You Already Know What's Wrong. So Why Isn't Anything Changing?

Dear Small but Mighty**,

Awareness is everywhere right now. Every article, every coach, every podcast tells you that you need it. The problem is that almost none of them tell you what it actually means or how to get there.

Here is how I define it personally: awareness is the ability to hear all the parts of yourself communicating at once. Your thoughts. Your body’s response to those thoughts. The way you feel in the presence of certain people or situations. The life that brings all of you, mind, body, emotions, into a grounded, settled feeling, and the life that doesn’t.

This is the basic kind of awareness you all need to expand awareness to others. (This is the next step. I will expand on it in another article)

The question I want to answer here today is: how do you build it when no one has taught you to listen that way?

I want to share three things I do with my clients that are simple enough for anyone, even someone who has never done any work on themselves, to begin using today. I am not going to tell you to meditate twice a day. I understand why that feels impossible, and I want to give you something you can actually do.

Awareness is very important for living in alignment with yourself... meaning living in a way that is true to all parts of you, not a life for others to admire or approve of.

Action one: Check in with your body before and after.

The next time you are about to meet a friend, especially one you are questioning or wondering whether the friendship still serves you, I want you to stop for a moment before you walk in. Without judgment, without analysis, notice what is happening in your body. Are your shoulders tense? Is your stomach uncomfortable? Are your hands clenched?

Then, when you leave, set a reminder on your phone to check in again. How do you feel now? How does your body feel after spending that time together?

Here, you are looking for cues from your body and nervous system on how this situation feels. The body never lies; the body doesn’t need a long, elaborate story; it just feels and knows what’s good for it.

This action step is important because it teaches you how to listen to another part of yourself that is not your mind. The body keeps a record of every relationship, every dynamic, every place where you expand, and every place where you contract. Most of us have spent years ignoring those signals to keep the peace. This exercise begins to reverse that.

Action two: Notice where you perform instead of speaking.

Set an intention for the day: today I am going to notice the moments when what I say or do does not match what I actually feel. As an investigative journalist, not as a judge.

This matters because most of us have become so practiced at performing the version of ourselves that feels safe or won’t rock the boat that you no longer notice you are doing it.

You say yes when you want to say no. You laugh when you are uncomfortable. You make yourself agreeable when something in you is screaming otherwise. Over time, the gap between what you feel and what you show becomes so normal that you no longer notice it. It has protected us for many years, but now, as adults, it’s becoming an obstacle between us and the life you want.

The cringe response is often the first signal that this gap has been crossed. That tightening, that shrinking, that sudden urge to take up less space. Going home and repeating the conversation over and over again to see what’s wrong or imagine what you should’ve said.

This action teaches you to catch the pattern; if you learn to catch it, it becomes one of the most precise pieces of information you have about where your patterns are actually running your life.

When it happens, write it down. Note what you said or did, and what was actually happening inside you. Then ask one question: was I responding from my heart, or from what I thought the situation needed from me?

Spend a week doing this. The pattern will show you where you most reliably abandon yourself, and that is exactly where you can begin to change things.

Action three: Find what actually feels good.

Spend a week noticing the activities, not people, just activities, that leave your body feeling calm, your heart feeling open, and your mind at ease. It does not matter if it only lasts twenty minutes. Write it down.

This is the part of awareness that most people skip. You spend so much time analyzing what is wrong that you forget to map what is right. This list matters because it shows you what you need more of, and eventually, what you need to let go of. What to protect. What to stop spending yourself on.

If you go through the whole week and cannot find a single thing that feels good in your body and your mind, that is important information too. It means your life is asking for a real look. Not a productivity overhaul or a new routine. A genuine reassessment of how you are living and what you are living for.

If these exercises opened something for you, I would love to hear about it in the comments or reply to this email.

If you feel ready to go deeper, I am working on something that will take you all the way through. You can add your name to the list here.

** I want to tell you what I mean when I say small, small because you let yourself be small to please others, or you were afraid of what would happen if you let yourself get big. Small because you dismissed your dreams and small because well, it feels like a mountain to become anything else. But some where deep inside you, there is a whisper that you have might if only you could climb up that mountain.